You don’t know if you’re ready for a relationship, right? I mean that’s why you’re reading this.
There are a number of reasons why you might be feeling this way. You see happy couples everywhere you go, but don’t know if that’s for you. You have someone you like, but you don’t know if you want to commit. You just want to feel appreciated by someone who understands you, but don’t know if you even understand yourself.
As tantalising as it might be to throw yourself head first into a relationship, no one wants you to take the plunge and regret it. Sometimes, you just aren’t ready.
So, if any of these three red flags feel familiar to you, you better step back and re-think your relationship choice.
“I want someone there for me”
You want to come home to a loving face, a smile, a cup of tea already brewed. You want to talk about your day, to have them sit and listen to you until you are done. You want someone to snuggle up to at night, to make love to you as and when you need it. You just want someone there for you, to be your knight in shining armour, to support you in everything that you do.
If this is all you want, then you are not ready for a relationship.
Relationships are a two-way street. You need to be there for them, as much as they need to be there for you. They aren’t your cheerleader, they’re your team-mate. Sometimes, you’re going to have to bite the bullet on your own problems and help them through their day. Sometimes, you’re going to make a choice that upsets them, and you’ll need to take that criticism.
So if your idealistic vision of a relationship is someone who waits on you hand and foot, who is always happy to see you, who forsakes their own thoughts and feelings just to make you happy, then you aren’t thinking about a relationship with a human being – you’re thinking about a dog.
“I want to get laid”
You want sex. You want someone to push down on the bed and get freaky with. You’re not too fussed about love, commitment, or going out on dates. You may even resign yourself to sitting through dinner and movies, just so you can get to the bedroom for some needed release. All your fond memories are in the sheets and you want more.
If this is what you want, then you are not ready for a relationship.
Sex is important to many people’s well-being. And if you want a consensual friend with benefits, or a few one-night stands, there is nothing wrong with that. But if you’re looking for a relationship, then you need to be ready for an emotional commitment, as well as a physical one. No one wants to go into a relationship, only to find out that their partner used them for sex.
If you want to have sex with someone, good on you. But if sex is the only reason you are interested in a relationship with them, then you need to take a step back and ask yourself: Other than sex, does this person make me happy?
“I need them”
Before you met them, life was just grey and dull. But they make you so, so happy. They bring so much joy into your life. You love spending all your time with them. You message them constantly. You watch all their favourite shows. Your friends tell you to shut up about them, but you can’t. This person completes you. They’re perfect. They’re the centre of all your thoughts and decisions. You need them in your life.
If this is how you think, you are not ready for a relationship.
Obsessing over someone can be a very harmful, even dangerous thing. Both for yourself, and for the person in question. You should not be sacrificing yourself for them, nor should you be pressuring them to spend all of their time with you.
You are two separate individuals, with your own lives to look out for. If you are able to make each other happy, and are able to look out for yourselves as well, then it might be time for that next step.
But if you feel like your life isn’t good enough without them, that every decision should be based on what they think, and you see them as a perfect person, then you are not ready to be in a healthy relationship. You need to be strong enough to care for yourself, before you even think about caring for someone else.