Sex & Relationships

Stop looking for the signs of a breakup

Love Lust The Growing Up Guide Relationships Magazines Advice Boyfriend Girlfriend Breakup

It’s easy after a breakup to start over analysing everything that happened in your time together.

From that one time they put a full stop in a message to wondering if they ever actually meant anything they said.

All of this is certainly not helped by the plethora of articles from those magazines that line the shelves, telling you how to spot the signs of a breakup.

Every year there’s a slew of more fool-proof ways to catch your lover out before they send that break-up text. But of course this rarely works.

The idea that you can pinpoint a downfall in every relationship is ridiculous. And articles showing you how to are quite frankly part of the problem.

Issues that were never actually issues are suddenly blasted everywhere because Cosmo says it’s the number one relationship ruiner. What a load of rubbish.

Who decided that some staff writer for a women’s magazine knew the ins and outs of every relationship in the world? Heck what might be considered a ‘sign’ like that famous “not having as much sex” might actually be for another reason – body image, self confidence, medical issues… Don’t jump to the conclusion that they don’t love you anymore.

You need never feel stupid for not seeing these so called ‘signs’. I know for certain that I felt stupid after a breakup,  but this was a bigger waste of time than the relationship itself.

Looking back these ‘signs’ were all there, but at the time they weren’t signs, they were just things. I suppose red flags don’t look red when you’re wearing rose tinted glasses, but also, they weren’t signs of a breakup because I wasn’t actively looking for them.

If you are looking for something to hint at the end (or googling ‘should I break up with my partner’ for that matter) then maybe you are the problem?

Maybe you just don’t want to be in a relationship anymore and are looking for an excuse? That’s fine too.

Just tell them straight. Don’t blame a list that Elle so kindly put together for you to use as an excuse cannon.

Also, don’t look back at back at your relationships looking for the spark that started the downfall, as such. It’s not worth it. It will only make you more angry, more upset and feel even more stupid. What’s the point in that? You’re better than that.

Jump forward and try and move on. Easier said than done I know, but beating yourself up about not seeing it won’t help. It’s never worth it, trust me.

Now I know you’ve all been waiting for the moment I give to you my unsolicited advice and here it is.

In most cases (obviously there are always exceptions and if there are actually legitimate worrying signs, you should seek real advice, not mine) the biggest sign of a breakup is the moment it is brought up.

Anything up until that point is just stuff. Very vague, I know, but that is all it is. If you have a problem with anything, talk to them, don’t cryptically give hints and over analyse everything they or you do.

Most importantly, don’t necessarily take my advice. I was pretty much broken up with twice before I ‘saw the signs’.

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