Moving Out Relationships University

Why you don’t have to get along with your flatmates

The Growing Up Guide university Stanford girl woman bedroom

For anyone moving out of home for the very first time, finding great flatmates to live with is your biggest priority. These are the people you will see when you wake up in the morning, share bathrooms with, pay rent with, cook with, clean with and live with for the next year or so of your life. Y

ou want them to be friendly, funny, clean and responsible, and people you can truly rely on to make your new house feel like home.

But sadly, for some people, this just isn’t the case, and the people you’ve ended up living with can inevitably make your home feel like hell in a short matter of months.

Dirty dishes in the sink, late rent payments, loud parties or just personality clashes can make your flatmates become your frenemies, and be a real strain on your living situation.

But everyone deserves to feel comfortable, happy and safe in their own homes, so here’s why it’s ok if you just don’t get along with your flatmates:

It’s all a learning experience

Sadly, learning to work alongside people you don’t agree with is a major part of growing up, and can teach you a lot about tolerance for future difficult situations.

Navigating your way neatly and without consequence through tricky conversations, situations and groups is a skill that many people are still yet to learn, and can be really beneficial when it comes to dealing with family or workplace issues in later life.

Consider your time with your unfriendly flatmates as a practice run for the tense business meetings, relationship management and dispute settlements you might have to face, and pick up as many useful methods as possible to use in future.

Your time with them is short, and temporary

Unless you’ve signed an eternal tenancy agreement, luckily you won’t have to spend your entire life with these people. Right now, they are a temporary fixture in your life, but by next year, the year after or the year after that, they’ll be a distant memory to be forgotten and erased.

Take everything they do as just a temporary problem, one that can be easily solved or dealt with, and then move on without holding onto any resentment.

They aren’t here to stay, and neither are you, so focus on getting out of your situation and swiftly finding something better when the time comes.

It’s the fundamentals that count

Although everyone can have different degrees of irritating or unpleasant flatmates, so long as your fundamental requirements are met, the smaller issues can usually be brushed aside.

If your flatmates are paying the rent, staying relatively hygienic, and allowing you to get the minimum hours of sleep required, then you might have to consider yourself lucky.

The odd unwashed mug, loud speaker, drunken tiff and messy bathroom is a minor infringement compared to others situations, so take that into consideration next time you debate terminating your contract early.

Make yourself a ship in the night

There are hundreds of people just like you who feel completely unsettled and alone in a house of people they don’t like. So it’s time to branch out and make some new friends, whilst becoming a ship in the night to your existing housemates.

Keep yourself tidy, pay rent on time, don’t interfere with their business and keep yourself to yourself, and simply pass them in the hall with a friendly hello before carrying on with your day.

Don’t aggravate or deliberately irritate them to make a point, as they could be feeling the exact same way you are, and struggling to cope living independently too. Look forward to the day you can leave, and keep yourself afloat whilst you have to stay.

Savour your prefered living situation

One positive thing to take away from a difficult living situation is the overwhelming feeling of relief you’ll feel when you finally find a better home. Whether that’s with friends you actually like, a completely new group, a partner or by yourself, when you find the fit that’s right for you, you’ll never stop being grateful for it.

You’ll take every clean cup, washed surface, relaxing sofa day and quiet morning with a sigh of happiness and feel even more grateful for finding your own way to live.

Living with others is the best way to discover yourself, and figure out what you want out of your home. So take this opportunity and run with it.

Although it might feel like the worst situation in the world to live with people you don’t like, it’s important to remind yourself that this really is only temporary, and you’ll able to make your own living choices before you know it.

So take what you can out of the experience, and prepare yourself for the best feeling when you find the situation that’s right for you. Enjoy it!



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