Adulthood Real Issues Relationships Sex

You’re a virgin, so what? Why you shouldn’t worry about losing it

The Growing Up Guide bed sheets morning

For some reason, “firsts” are extremely important for people. First word, first day of class, first kiss and the big one, first time you have sex.

Sex and everything around it is weighed down by an incredible amount of pressure. When will I lose my virginity? Should I wait for someone special? Will I feel different after? These are questions we’ve all asked ourselves. Truth is you shouldn’t worry too much about disposing of your V-Card asap.

Yes, it seems like everyone is doing “it”. Tragically, you heard your parents do it. Your best friend did it. All the boys claim they’ve done it but you haven’t and that’s okay.

By rushing to do it like everyone else and be done with it, you may forget that sex should be an enjoyable experience between two human beings.

Let’s face it, we don’t have sex to have kids anymore. We have sex because it feels good. It feels great actually but only if you feel ready for it.

The big misconstruction about losing your virginity is that it turns you into a woman. It doesn’t. A girl can have sex and still be a girl. Although, one thing that sex can do is making you grow up too soon.

We live in the age of liberated sexualities but you have to keep in mind that sex now can be dangerous, even lethal, if the right precautions are not taken.

Knowing about STI’s as well as pregnancy risks is essential and to be honest very unappetising.

Growing up takes time and becoming a woman is something which happens in your mind and not in your pants.

Of course, puberty will cover you from head to toe in body hair, make your breasts double in size (or not) and make your ovaries feel like they are bursting once a month. But having the body of a woman doesn’t always make you ready for sex mentally.

Persuading yourself that you are ready for intercourse because you want to please your partner or because you feel peer-pressured by friends in may be traumatic.

The first time for a woman can be painful if you’re unprepared and dreading the experience. This sexual encounter will shape the few that follow.

This sounds like a lot of pressure to make your first time perfect but it’s not what I mean. Think of it like petting a dog for the first time. If you get bit and badly injured, you’re not going to love dogs for the next few years, are you?

Starting to discover your sexuality reluctantly may cause you to be apprehensive about having sex again. It’s a whole lot of stress about an activity which should, first and foremost, remain fun.

But how do you know you are ready? Well, you can never really know for sure but the one thing that is possible to check is this: Are you comfortable?

Are you comfortable where you’re doing it?

A bed is ideal on the first time. The back of a small car or a couch will never be as comfortable as a soft duvet which will not be restrictive when it comes to different sexual positions but please don’t let me get in the way of spontaneity.

Are you comfortable with the person you want to do it with?

We are told, often by our parents, that we should have sex for the first time with someone special which is not untrue. Longtime partner or holiday fling may have one thing in common: trust. You may be very nervous but as long as you feel comfortable and that you trust your partner, your first time will probably be enjoyable for both of you.

I say “probably” because, I’m not going to lie to you, sex for the first time might suck. Big time. It might be over way too soon for you to feel anything or it might be painful because the boy is clumsy with his genitals.

This all depends if you have your first time with a man or a woman of course. However, it might also be lovely if you’ve picked someone whose company you really enjoy.

Having sex for the first time is not a very big deal in itself. You won’t magically feel different the next day but you can regret it if you’ve pushed yourself to do something you didn’t fancy doing.

Being a virgin is nothing to be embarrassed about. Even though, your schoolmates may imply it, the word “virgin” is not a synonym for prude.

You have the right to be sexually curious without being sexually active. If you’re unsure about how you feel about sex, explore your body before exploring someone else’s. This will be a happy adventure.

Empower yourself

Virginity used to be very important, and still is in certain cultures, for women to be able to get married. An “untouched” woman would have more chances to find a suitable husband but this concept became quite obsolete in the UK after the sexual liberation of women in the 1960s.

Women freed themselves from patriarchal oppression and started to have sex more freely because they did not have to rely on men. They started getting rights, jobs and money without needing a husband.

These women were empowered by their ability to choose to have sex. This may seem like I am counter arguing the premise of this article but here is my point. What is important about the history of women and sex is that they reclaimed the right to choose.

You may feel like your friends, other members of society or even yourself push you towards being sexually active because this is what a “modern woman” should do these days but this is not what sexual liberation is about. It is about choice. You can choose to wait and be absolutely free to do so as well as choose to have sex.

You have the freedom to control your own sex life so do not be afraid about admitting you are a virgin because it does not matter whether you have had sex or not. The decision is yours to take and no one else’s business.



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