I read a poem the other day by Lang Leav, When it’s Over, that said the moment a relationship is over is seldom on the day you break up, but rather either long before that, or long after.
It made me think about the end of a relationship and if there are indeed signs you can spot to figure out when, and if, it’s really time to break up.
When I decided to end my five-year long relationship I had many people telling me I was “brave” for taking such a decision. But to me, it was never out of courage. If anything, it was out of common sense.
There were clearly problems in the relationship which had been there for a while and that had been ignored for too long, and I’m guessing if you are reading this, you are looking for some kind of validation to what you are already feeling. So if you can tick even one of these signs off the list, maybe it’s time to think about your happiness a bit more carefully.
Your partner feels more like a friend than a lover
Don’t get me wrong, getting to that comfort level allows you to share everything and have inside jokes is amazing, but at the same time, there are limits to that as well.
If your sex drive is just gone and you don’t get that nice warm feeling inside you when you’re around them, things are not going well.
Whoever told you with time relationships kinda settle, and you can’t have that “honeymoon phase” feeling anymore, is wrong.
If you feel like an old married couple after a few years, especially in your twenties, it’s time to move on and find someone who excites you from beginning to end.
You are annoyed by everything they do
When you are in love, all your loved one’s weird, quirky things don’t matter. Love makes us very dumb. But it’s also great to be able to don’t dwell on the insignificant, sometimes bad, habits we all have.
If you are at the point where even your partner’s loud chewing bothers you, love is probably fading away and you’re not as prone to ignore some things or even find them cute anymore.
Not to mention that once you get to this point, you will probably end up arguing about the smallest of things and spending half of your time with a person arguing is not really worth it, is it?
It’s just routine
It’s very easy to get used to a person and that is probably the biggest killer of relationships.
If you are just used to having that person in your life to the point you don’t even make the effort to surprise them anymore, or that you’re not even a little jealous of them or afraid to lose them, there is something wrong.
Love should be exciting and captivating, it should not be routine. Someone’s presence in your life should add to it, not just be a state, another point of what you already have.
You keep thinking about what’s out there
This does not really need a lot of explanation. Don’t get me wrong, finding other people attractive is normal and it’s healthy. But the second you start imagining how it would be being with someone else, that’s the moment you should break up with your current partner.
There is nothing wrong in feeling that way, it does not make you a bad person. But it does mean you probably are not satisfied in your relationship and your love for them is probably gone, otherwise, they would definitely be enough and you wouldn’t be thinking so much about what’s out there.
You are afraid of being alone
Here comes in the “brave” comment I referred to earlier. I think I was called brave for breaking up with a person after a long time because most people are afraid of doing it not knowing what’s next.
If you are not breaking up with a person only because you are afraid of being alone, or because you can’t be bothered starting everything all over with a new person, please end your current relationship right away.
No matter what age you are, no matter how long you have been with your partner, there is so much out there, and I’m not even talking about your love-life, there is just so much to experience and to explore, even by yourself.
You should never be afraid of being alone, nor of believing in love if a relationship didn’t go as expected. Take the leap and end a relationship when it’s time to, I can assure you life moves on and you will be fine, if not a lot better.
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