Relationships

How to know when you’re too comfortable in a relationship

The Growing Up Guide love relationships break up

I’ve read many magazine articles similarly titled to this. If you have too, then you’re probably expecting a list of gross things that most people would consider breaking personal boundaries, like having a poo while your partner is in the same room. Or  worse, a list of sexist standards that women shouldn’t let slip – when you forget to shave your legs, or heaven forbid gain a few pounds. Well, sorry to disappoint, but that’s not what you’re getting.

We all have our limits to how ‘close’ we want to be in a relationship, particularly when it comes to the slightly disgusting stuff. But allowing yourself to be you around your partner, allowing yourself to behave exactly as you would usually behave on your own , can’t be a bad thing.

So what do I mean by being ‘too comfortable’ in a relationship?

You forget to say “I love you”

Or “thank you” or “you look nice” or all of those little things that you used to say to each other that made your relationship so special.

It might seem trivial, but if you lose this then you’ll lose the spark soon after.

 You don’t talk about what matters

It’s sometimes easier to talk to your friends and family about the things that are bothering you, and by the time it comes to telling your partner you feel that you’ve exhausted telling that story, and decide not to share how you feel.

But it’s important to communicate with each other so that you understand how you’re feeling, and can support each other.

You don’t put in as much effort as you used to

A relationship shouldn’t be a lot of work, and it’s completely natural for you to stop doing those little romantic things that you did when you were dating.

But you also should put some work into it.

Maybe you used to cook dinner for them, or send little romantic texts during your lunch hour. Whatever it was, you still do it every once in a while.

 You don’t spend time together

It’s easy to get swept away with life. Your career is important, your friends are important, and having time alone is important.

But remember to spend some quality time with your partner, too. Schedule them into your diary and don’t let extraneous factors get in the way.

You forget why you love each other

Remember what made you first fall for this person. When you’re so close, it can be easy to see each other’s flaws, but was a reason that you fell head-over-heels in love with them. Don’t forget that.

You should always be able to be yourself around your partner, and a truly positive relationship shouldn’t require loads and loads of effort to maintain. But you also get out what you put in. You become “too comfortable” when you begin to take each other for granted.

Remember that the little things count. If a relationship is worthwhile, then it won’t be difficult to keep that spark alive.

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