For the past two years I’ve had the (mis)fortune of talking to first year university students about sexual consent. You’d be surprised at how little 18 years old know about sex – or rather, having a healthy sex life.
The saddest realization was to find out although they knew the basics of the subject, they were missing one key component: communication.
“Yeah but doesn’t talking during/about sex kill the vibe a little?” was one of the most popular questions and I had to refrain myself from eye rolling each time I was asked this.
If by talking you mean discussing the economy, yeah by all means that is quite a depressing subject and I wouldn’t suggest it. But I am the biggest advocate of expressing your desires and needs as much as possible to your partner.
Talking about sex can be just as sexy as the act per se and I think especially girls are often too embarrassed to just give it straight, and I was no different a few years ago.
Too often we believe that talking dirty or telling our partner what we’d like can put them off or give them the wrong impression.
Not only guys like teasing, but more importantly, speaking freely about what feels nice and what doesn’t can improve so much your sex life.
Why would you let social constructions or embarrassment stop you from having the best sex of your life?
Said that, there are ways to make what can feel like an embarrassing chat sexy and intriguing – that really depends from person to person and what works for two people might not work for someone else.
But if you don’t really click when you’re just talking about it and teasing each other, sex is probably not going to be that much better.
Being vocal during sex can be another big taboo, as if asking the other person if they’re liking what you’re doing or telling them you like it just instantly kills the vibe right there and then.
Again, I wouldn’t say “Yes, this feels okay, thanks, please continue” straight-faced and as I were asking for more bread at a table, but even a “yes” can be the most arousing thing ever if said right.
By all means, some people are just more quiet in bed, but from personal experience, the more vocal you are about what you like and what you’d like the other person to do, the better the sex.
And by vocal, I am not talking about loudness – forget porn, you don’t have to let your neighbors know you’re enjoying yourself, you can easily be whispering and still be incredibly sexy, if not more sometimes than sounding like a screaming chimpanzee…
But if you’re into that, again do what feels right and scream your lungs out, and maybe leave an apologetic note to your neighbors.
You should not feel “dirty” nor slutty for telling your partner, or partners if that’s how you roll, what you want.
Sex is nothing to be ashamed of and just like you wouldn’t eat something you don’t like, you should not do things in bed you don’t enjoy. Saying what you want before and during sex can be incredibly arousing both for you and your partner and I can assure you it will make sex ten times better for everyone involved.
Give it to them straight sister, life is too short to not be having the best sex you could possibly have.
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